We are not the couple who knew exactly when we were having our last baby. 

We always wanted a big family, and after we had our girl and boy my husband was okay with whatever I wanted. We didn't try for our 3rd, 4th, or 5th and when they came along we were so happy. With both all 3 of those pregnancies, I thought they could  be our last. I treasured each moment. 

When I saw the two pink lines I knew it could be my last time. Those lines brought all the emotions - excitement, joy, happiness, welcomed surprise, and I would be lying if I didn't include a little bit of fear or stress. Could I juggle 3 kids, 4 kids, then 5 kids along with my businesses? Could I still be a good, patient mom and have time for everyone?

Calculating your due date within minutes of the positive test. Google searching "due date calculator" and excitedly plugging in the date. Seeing the due date and knowing although it may change a little, that is about the time your life and family will shift once again. Envisioning whatever season it would be and having a new baby. Thinking about where it fits with the older kids in school. Envisioning getting the kids ready for school while juggling a toddler and newborn. Envisioning all the little boots, shoes, jackets. 

The tiny heartbeat along with the flicker on the screen. Soaking in each ultrasound and seeing baby kick, flip, wave, move, and grow. The anatomy scans and seeing every tiny detail. Falling in love with their tiny nose, toes, hands, and every precious part.

Trying to engrain the feeling of a growing baby, while embracing stretch marks, vericose veins, and all the body changes. Bracing for the challenges of breastfeeding while being so excited to feed my tiny baby. Knowing pain will come, but that I've made it through before. Each time taking it one day at a time. 

The unknown of labor and feeling it inching closer. Will my water break? False labor scares with braxton hicks and prodromal labor. Can I do this again? Forgetting how intensely painful the contractions can be and pacing the hospital hallways to keep everything progressing. Living in a state of excitement, fear, pain, joy, and hope. Surviving minute by minute in pain and deep breathing until the moment babe is laid on my chest. 

Knowing they could be my last made me soak them up even more. The good, bad, hard, happy, joyous moments are treasured and tucked into my memory for my maybe last baby bump.